Blog Post 23: It’s time to ditch the cape: 8 strategies to BREAK FREE from Superwoman Syndrome 🦸♀️
Mums are superheroes, there’s no doubt about it.
Creating and developing tiny humans is nothing short of miraculous, but everyday Mums are wearing so many different hats. Mum, Spouse, Daughter, Friend, Teacher, Cook, Cleaner, Shopper, Uber driver, Worker… and that’s just to name a few.
It is no wonder that we try to uphold the image of being Superwoman.
We are doing so many things and are in a million different places at the same time (at least in our heads).
While we are getting the kids ready for the day we are thinking about that email we need to send to a client.
While we are driving the kids to school we are thinking about what we are going to make for dinner tonight.
The constant mental load is never-ending. So too is our ever-growing to-do list.
We inevitably become women that feel the need to uphold the Superwoman precedent that we have set for ourselves. Saying ‘yes’ to things that we don’t really want to do, setting unrealistic goals and expectations on ourselves and putting pressure on ourselves to get more done in the day than there are hours.
No wonder we are SO exhausted by the end of the day!
Superwoman Syndrome refers to the pressure women often feel to excel in multiple roles simultaneously, such as being a successful professional, a caring partner, a devoted parent, a reliable friend, and more, often at the expense of their well-being.
It is deeply rooted in perfectionism and people-pleasing.
But as I always say to my clients, more often than not when we are people pleasing, we are not pleasing ourselves. When we say yes to others, we are saying no to ourselves.
I’ve coached many Mums, and they all present with some form of Superwoman Syndrome. Unfortunately, whilst we think being Superheroes is the way to get it all done, we also place so much unnecessary pressure on ourselves that we do all of the things from a place of scarcity, lack, hurried hustle energy. We are in a state of constant overwhelm.
I’ve noticed that by implementing a few strategies in my life I’ve been able to overcome Superwoman Syndrome, so I wanted to share these with you all.
1. Set REALISTIC expectations of and for yourself
We are human, not superheroes! Understand and accept that it's okay not to excel in every role all the time.
If you know realistically that you won’t be able to get everything done on your to-do list today, and know that you’ll look back at it at the end of the day and think of yourself as a failure or lazy for not getting everything done, you need to change up how you organise and prioritise (and how you talk to yourself!).
For me, I have a process where I schedule in everything I need to do for the week: work-related, mum-related and life-related and put everything in my calendar at the start of each week. This way, I can just open my calendar each day and see what needs to be done, and there is already time allotted to that task. This process has changed my life and has made me incredibly productive, a lot less stressed and a lot more relaxed. Because I know there is time to do what I have planned to do, and so then when I have my scheduled family time and self-care time (which I put on FIRST by the way), I can really relax into those things, knowing that all of the life admin and work tasks will be done during their allotted times.
Due to my success using this process, I created a framework called Planning Power Hour that I share with my clients, and it has changed their lives as well.
2. Prioritise properly
Learning how to prioritise is perhaps one of the most underrated skills we can learn. It is essential to feel balanced and confident.
If you know how to properly prioritise you will feel like what you are doing is aligned with what is most important to you. This will help you feel a lot of self-confidence as you move through life.
Not knowing how to prioritise means that you are living reactively and constantly ‘putting out fires’. You are doing things that you deem ‘urgent’ rather than doing things that are truly important.
It is important to evaluate your priorities and also reevaluate them to make adjustments as needed. It's normal for priorities to change over time, and it's essential to align your actions with what truly matters to you.
During my Planning Power Hour, when I am looking at my task list and putting everything in my calendar, I ask myself the following questions to help me prioritise effectively:
What actions will move the needle the most for my business this week?
Bonus question - to ‘sense-check’ whether my perfectionism is coming to the surface, I also ask myself regarding work tasks ‘what if everything is fine and perfect as-it is?’ (For example, maybe I don’t need to spend another hour updating the wording on my website!)
What do I need to get done this week for the household?
What can I defer to a later week?
What can I delegate to others?
What can I delete altogether from my to-do list?
3. Learn to say no
This might just be one of the hardest things to do.
Learning to say no to additional responsibilities or to tasks that aren't crucial is essential for preventing burnout. This is why evaluating and re-evaluating your priorities is so important.
When you say ‘yes’ to something, you are saying ‘no’ to something else. Remember that.
4. Ask for help
Accept that you cannot do everything on your own. Start internalising the thought that ‘It takes a village’ because it does!
Delegate tasks at work and at home whenever possible.
I used to be so afraid to ask for help because I made it mean that I wasn’t capable of doing something. However, I then started shifting that unhelpful thought to make it mean that I could do that thing if I wanted to, but I know that it would mean I would struggle to get something else done. So if it is possible to get help with that thing, then take advantage of it.
I’m very fortunate that both my parents and in-laws help me out with the kids. But I could very easily be so wrapped up in my Superwoman Syndrome that I don’t ask for that help.
The truth is, people do like helping other people, particularly people that they love.
I’ve started thinking thoughts that make ‘asking for help’ mean something that is positive, that serves me and others.
My parents and in-laws have told me how much they love spending time with my children, so now when I ask if they can please help out, I know that for them it’s something that is enjoyable as well.
I also think back to my childhood when I had no grandparents living in the same country as me, and I really missed out on that special relationship and experience with my grandparents, so I know for my parents and in-laws, and for my children, that bonding with each other and spending time together is a beautiful thing.
If you don’t have parents or in-laws around, you can also ask your spouse, friends and even hired help to share the responsibilities and lighten the load.
The first step in overcoming Superwoman Syndrome however is to make the ask!
5. Practice self-care
I know, easier said than done. But is it?
For me, I choose to wake up before my kids and husband so I can exercise, otherwise I know it’ll be a lot harder to do during the day.
Exercise for me is part of my self-care. It helps me relax, quieten my mind and after listening to my music (and not the Wiggles) for 30 minutes I feel like I’ve already done something for myself each day.
I believe that doing these things for myself actually helps me be a better, more relaxed and happier Mum and person to be around, ready to take on the day after I’ve had a few minutes of my own ‘me’ time.
6. Challenge perfectionism
Again, this is a practice I have to do daily.
I challenge my own perfectionistic tendencies and remember that perfection is unattainable and can be detrimental to my well-being.
When I can feel perfectionism or ‘not enoughness’ creeping into my mind, I say out loud, ‘I am doing my best.’ This helps quieten my perfectionism.
Another great thought is ‘You don’t have to be better than you are.’
I also try to celebrate my achievements, no matter how small they seem. Such as completing and publishing a blog post!
7. Seek professional help to support you
If you find yourself struggling to manage stress, anxiety, or feelings of overwhelm, don't hesitate to seek professional help. Speaking to a coach or therapist can provide valuable insights and coping strategies. Hiring a coach changed my life, and helped me overcome my own Superwoman Syndrome.
8. Support and empower others
Another way to overcome Superhero Syndrome is to be part of the conversation about overcoming it and not be ‘martyrs’, dying quietly for the cause.
I want to show up in a way that demonstrates to my daughter and the generations to come that we don’t have to do everything and prioritise everyone over ourselves and be people-pleasers to feel approval and feel ‘worthy’. We are 100% worthy no matter what.
Overcoming Superwoman Syndrome is about embracing your humanity, setting healthy boundaries, and prioritising our self-care.
Remember that it's OK to ask for help and that your well-being is essential for you being effective in your many roles in life.
I’ve decided to hang up my Superwoman cape, whilst still being the best person I can be, and I hope you will as well!
Let me know which of these strategies you will use to cultivate a balanced and fulfilling life.
You are amazing and worthy, just as you are.
Love Loren x
