Blog Post 17: Two ways to help you navigate this incredibly difficult time

The events of the past week in Israel and abroad have been nothing short of devastating. 

There are no words that can appropriately describe the true evil and barbarism that we have seen.

The grief I feel for people I have never met has consumed me. I have also felt a lot of fear about my own circumstances. Where I live. Where my kids go. Just looking at my children, my precious babies, my eyes well up with tears. My mind goes to thinking about those precious babies that have been brutally murdered. It feels so close to home, because it is.

I spoke to one of my clients who was also struggling to ‘hold it together’. As we spoke she kept on saying some variation of ‘I don’t even live in Israel and I feel this. Me being scared is so stupid.”

Us Mums are so quick to beat ourselves up about pretty much anything. In this case, my client was trying to push away and invalidate her feelings of grief and fear.

When I asked her why she might be trying to do this, she said that she shouldn’t be feeling fear. That she was being selfish and self-centred by feeling fear, when others are in a much worse position, living in Israel, with family and friends that have been murdered or are in captivity.

I asked her if she thought it was appropriate for her to feel fear during this time. 

She said yes.

Us Mums often try to push away our emotions, particularly negative, difficult ones. However, it is SO important to give ourselves permission to feel these emotions fully.

It is completely appropriate to feel grief and fear during this time.

No matter what religion you are. No matter where you live.

Any human that believes in humanity would be feeling these emotions, at least to some degree.

And how we experience and process these emotions is dependent on the individual.

Grief and fear can be overwhelming and may manifest in various ways, such as sadness, anger, confusion, or even numbness. It's so important to honour and recognise our emotions without judgement.

Allow yourself to recognise what you’re feeling and validate those feelings.

A couple of things have helped me navigate this incredibly difficult time, that I wanted to share with you, in the hope that they might help you process and navigate this time as well.

First, I have stopped over consuming social media. During the first few days that the news broke, I found myself unable to look away from social media and the news. 

It might help you feel like you’re ‘in control’ and ‘doing something’ about the situation, but it does take its toll, particularly on people who feel a lot of empathy, particularly on mothers, especially given the barbarism and cold-blooded murder of children and babies.

Over Consuming social media, even when something like this is not happening in the world, overstimulates us unnecessarily and dysregulates our nervous system. 

It also exacerbates our emotional state.

If you feel the need to go on social media and watch the news, that’s fair enough. However, I now try to limit it to a few minutes 1-2 times a day, and not at night before I go to sleep.

Remember, you are in control of the content you consume, and prioritising your mental health during this time is crucial. 

Secondly, I have tried to turn my pain into purpose. 

I know it might sound obvious, but what has happened has happened. We cannot argue with reality. We also can’t rationalise what these people have done as much as we try to because these are not rational people. 

Rather, we need to turn our pain into purpose and ask ourselves “And now, what can we do? How can we help?”

I reached out to a friend in Israel and we are developing an initiative that I will share in the coming weeks. I have also found organisations to donate money to where 100% of the funds are going directly to those people that need it. 

This is an incredibly difficult time in our lives, for our people, for all people. Now is the time more than ever to show the love you have for others and also project that love back to yourself.

If you are finding it hard to cope with your day to day tasks, if you are feeling fear, know that it is okay. It is completely normal and appropriate during this time.

If you’re not as ‘productive’ as usual. If you’re not as happy and upbeat. Now might not be the time to be super productive at work. Now might not be the time to be upbeat. And that is OK. 

Give yourself some grace, space and compassion to process what is happening. 

You are doing the best you can. And the best you can IS enough. It’s more than enough.

I know none of us feel okay, but we have so much love and care for our people and our community and hopefully that can help get us through this incredibly sad and difficult time. 

Sending so much strength and love your way x