Blog Post 13: Why a work-life balance is B.S. - and what you should aim for instead
A Work-life balance is BS.
It sets us Mums up to beat ourselves up if we believe we aren’t getting the balance just right.
When I think of ‘balance' I think of a see-saw, with one area of my life balancing on one side and another area of my life balancing on the other side.
So for example, work on one side and kids on the other side. Or well-being and looking after myself on one side and keeping the house in order on the other side.
When you focus on one area, the other area suffers. Like a see-saw, when one goes up, the other goes down. It’s very hard to keep them both completely balanced.
I now say I strive for a Work-Life Blend (or even a work-life integration) rather than work-life balance.
The truth is this: we cannot perfectly compartmentalise being a mother vs life vs career. Like ‘perfectionism’ it’s simply unattainable.
These are all of our identities, blended together.
Understanding, acknowledging and having compassion that sometimes I’ll need to step away from work to tend to my child who is sick or emotional, or that I might need to send that email to someone in between feeding the kids dinner is just reality.
When we try and strive for something that is not reality, that’s when we set ourselves up to ‘fail’, to be disappointed in ourselves, to be frustrated by what-is.
What is a Work-Life Blend?
A Work-Life Blend is a more adaptable and sustainable way to navigate the demands of modern Mum life.
With a Work-Life Blend, I am a lot kinder to myself.
A Work-Life Blend entails integrating the various aspects of your life without rigidly separating them. Unlike the traditional idea of work-life balance, which often implies a strict division between work and personal time, Work-Life Blend encourages a more fluid approach. It recognises that life is dynamic and unpredictable, where professional and personal spheres are intertwined and can coexist harmoniously.
Here are 7 strategies that I have found to be very helpful in creating a Work-Life Blend in my life:
Allow for flexibility and adaptability
A life well-lived is messy and unpredictable. This is completely normal!
A Work-Life Blend embraces flexibility, allowing you to adjust your schedule and priorities based on the needs of the moment. This empowers you to be present where you're needed, whether it's attending a family event or child’s recital during work hours or catching up on emails during your child's music lesson.
2. Get organised
While a Work-Life Blend is about embracing flexibility, it’s also important to be organised so that when you are ‘working’ on one area of your life, you’re able to get what you need to get done during the time allotted. So for example, going to the shops most days to pick up groceries for dinner. Seems innocent enough as it’s just 15 minutes here, 30 minutes there, but it’s also a huge time-suck.
Instead, do a weekly online shop. Once you have a meal plan for the week, your weekly online shop can take less than 5 minutes, you can even create a weekly list and just click on 'reorder’ and then you’re not wasting time constantly going to the shops throughout the week. Instead, you can spend that time working on a project, playing with the kids or taking a well-deserved break!
3. Focus on outcomes, not hours
It’s about quality, not quantity.
Instead of counting hours spent at work or home, a Work-Life Blend focuses on outcomes and results.
This means that, so long as you're accomplishing your tasks effectively and meeting your responsibilities, the specific hours become less relevant.
Don’t get trapped in the mindset that you have to work 8 hours a day to have a ‘good work ethic’, or that you should be the one picking up your children from school to consider yourself a ‘good Mum’.
4. Stop the Mum guilt!
The concept of work-life balance, while well-intentioned, can sometimes be counterproductive.
Striving to compartmentalise work and personal life often leads to unnecessary stress. Achieving a ‘perfect’ equilibrium between the two is incredibly challenging in today's interconnected world, so why set yourself up with that expectation?
Trying to pursue this results in compounded ‘Mum guilt’, when work inevitably spills into family time or vice versa, making it difficult to truly relax or be fully engaged in either sphere.
By recognising that life is a blend of various roles and responsibilities, it can help reduce the Mum guilt that arises from trying (and failing) to maintain a strict balance.
This will in turn allow you to relax a little, lean into the blend and the reality of life rather than try to resist.
I’ve found that by doing this, my ‘lighter’ energy rubs off on my children, as I let go of the stresses of trying to ‘control’ something that’s beyond my control and embrace what-is in reality.
5. Get creative
If you believe that dropping off your children at school in the mornings is important to you, but you have work, it’s time to get creative.
Ask your boss if you’re able to drop your kids off at school a few times a week, get into the office an hour later and then either work through lunch or stay a bit longer at the end of the day.
Or, if you’re working part-time, offer to work an hour or so on the day that you usually don’t work to make up for it.
Or, because you’re an amazing employee (which I’m sure you are already), just ask your boss if they mind you coming into the office an hour later a couple of times a week so you can drop your children at school without saying anything about “making up the time” (refer to my 3rd strategy above!)
These ideas may not work for everyone, but thinking that you want something and immediately shutting it down, assuming it’s “not possible”, without even exploring it, will only make you feel upset and resentful.
6. Just ask!
Another thing that I’ve found very helpful in cultivating a Work-Life Blend is ‘getting over myself’ and just asking for help, not only when I ‘need’ it, but also when I know it will allow me to significantly help elevate one area of my life.
For example, I broke my foot a few weeks ago. We usually have a nanny a couple days a week, and so I asked my husband if he was happy for me to ask the nanny to work a few extra hours on those days.
Yes, I could certainly get the kids breakfasts ready and make their dinners, even with a broken foot, but I knew it would take about 10 times the amount of time than usual (using crutches and in a moon boot) and it would consume a lot of my physical and mental energy.
I could instead use that time to do some extra work for my business, because I’m just as productive working with a broken foot than without (I thankfully work from home on a laptop).
I know I’m fortunate that we can get a few extra hours with the nanny over the next few weeks, but if you don’t have that, you could ask your parents or in-laws, or even a friend to help out where possible.
Rather than shutting down the possibility of asking for extra help, like the previous strategy, try and get creative.
Ask these questions to yourself:
How could I make this work?
Who might be able to help?
Who might I be able to help sometime and then they can help me out another time?
7. Prioritise self-care
I know, “shut up Loren”. Everyone says this but it’s not realistic.
Except it isn’t.
I schedule self-care in my calendar before any other commitments during the week.
My rationale is this: If I’m not running, the household isn’t running.
(I’m not literally ‘running’), but I mean that if I’m not functioning, the household is definitely not functioning.
They say you’re only as happy as your unhappiest child.
Well, the household is only as happy and healthy as Mum.
PLEASE schedule in time for your own hobbies, exercise and relaxation to recharge your energy. Even if it’s 10 minutes a day.
Start small.
Ultimately, I believe that the concept of a Work-Life Blend offers a more holistic and adaptable approach to navigating the busy-ness and complexities of modern Mum life.
Embracing a Work-Life blend will help you to create a more harmonious existence where work and personal life coexist in a way that enhances your productivity, well-being, happiness and overall life satisfaction.
So, instead of striving for a rigid work-life balance, consider embracing the fluidity of Work-Life Blend and finding your own unique way to integrate the different facets of your life.
I’ll leave you with this question to ask yourself: What’s the first thing you can do towards creating more of a Work-Life Blend starting from today?
Let me know!
Love Loren x
