Blog Post 14: The secret to transforming your negative thoughts

Studies have shown that we think around 60,000 thoughts everyday.

90% of those thoughts are the same thoughts we had the day before.

85% of those thoughts are negative.

Why is this?

Because us humans have a negativity bias. 

This was incredibly useful back in the caveman days where any wrong move would mean certain death, but now it is not as useful.

Still, our human biology has not caught up with the technological advancements in the world and therefore, our brain still constantly reverts to thinking negative thoughts above positive ones at every opportunity.

Just understanding this simple truth has helped me immensely.

What I used to do was think a negative thought about something, and then beat myself up for thinking negative thoughts about that thing. Who else can relate?

This of course would just compound the negative thought loop.

Now though, when my brain goes down a negative thought spiral, instead of attacking myself for thinking negatively, I have compassion.

I am supposed to be thinking negative thoughts, this is what my brain was designed to do. 

Nothing has gone wrong. It’s just my human brain acting like a human brain.

The next thing that really helped me was understanding that our brains are thought-making machines. Everything we experience in the world is put through our own filter based on our beliefs, understandings, values and perspectives of our environment.

We often forget that the thoughts we have, about ourselves and the world around us, are actually not facts! 99% of our thoughts are opinions.

Even if something seems so true to us, it is likely just an opinion or perspective that we have.

That’s why people that experience the exact same thing will think very differently about that thing. For example, siblings will recount completely different stories about the exact same factual situation, because their thoughts about what happened are not facts, they are opinions based on their own filters and experience of the world.

Reflect on a negative thought you’ve had today. I bet you can.

Now, question whether that thought is really a fact? Or is it actually just an opinion you have about something, someone or yourself?

Taking the time to consciously ask myself whether a thought is a fact, or if it’s just an opinion, has honestly changed my life and the way I see the world.

I do a lot of this work with my clients. We take a look at some of their thoughts, that seem OK on the surface, but they are poisonous thoughts that my clients believe are true. When we start questioning them, poking holes in their ‘truth’, they realise that the thought is not true. It is just an opinion. And because of that, we have the power to reframe the thought to something that better serves us.

So how do we reframe our thoughts to better serve us?

To get better at anything, you need to practice.

The same applies to our mind. To think better thoughts, we need to practice thinking better thoughts.

Now, I’m not talking about toxic positivity where you go from the thought “I hate my body” to “I love my body”, because if your brain doesn’t believe that new thought then it will just further reinforce the old thought.

I’m talking about practising thoughts that you can believe, that are more neutral. 

Then you can start giving more “air time” to a thought that better serves you . 

So, taking the example above, a more neutral thought you could practise if you believed it might be “I have a body” or “I have a capable body”.

When you start practising these better thoughts it might seem like a lot of effort at first, because your mind is naturally going to try to revert back to the negative thought. Because of our negativity bias. And because it is SO used to thinking that old negative thought.

However, if you continue to practise the better thought, that new thought will eventually become your default thought.

A very powerful exercise is to write down five main thoughts that you often think about yourself or the world. Chances are those thoughts are quite negative.

Before you criticise yourself for thinking these thoughts, acknowledge that you’re thinking these thoughts because you have a human brain. You have a negativity bias which means your brain is working perfectly!

Then, question whether that thought is really true. If every single person in the world wouldn't believe that thought, then chances are it is not true. It is just an opinion.

For example, if one of your main thoughts is “I’m not good enough for a promotion”, would your Mum think that of you? Would your sibling? Would your partner? Would your friends? Would your colleagues?

If they wouldn't think that of you then it’s not the truth. It’s just an opinion that your brain is offering up. 

Acknowledging that you have a human brain with a negativity bias, that 99% of your thoughts are opinions, and then offering up thoughts that better serve you is THE way to happiness, feeling better and having an incredible life.

Love Loren x