Episode #6: How to take action when you’re not confident
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In this episode Loren shares how you can take action, even if you don’t have confidence or self-confidence just yet.
What you’ll learn:
The mindset shift that can help all working Mums conquer the unknown and overcome self-doubt
The power of courage - what it is and how it feels
How you can use Dan Sullivan’s 4C Formula (Commitment, Courage, Capability and Confidence) to utilise courage and build your confidence
Proven strategies for how to generate courage
If you haven’t already, grab your free ‘4 Step Formula to Create Your Amazing Working Mum Mindset’ cheat sheet, with all the prompts and guidance you need to start becoming more confident today. Grab it here!
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TLC for Working Mums Podcast Episode 6 - Full Transcript
Welcome to another episode of TLC for Working Mums. I’m your host Loren, the life coach for working mums.
Today's episode leads on from the last episode on how to become more confident today, so if you haven't listened to that episode I highly recommend you do. Although you will still get a lot out of this episode even if you haven't.
In this episode I will share a secret that I wish all working Mums knew about what you actually need to do something you’ve never done before. How to conquer the unknown. How to overcome your self-doubt and fears.
Just to recap from last episode - the difference between confidence and self-confidence is this - Confidence is about your ability to do something in a particular area. You can be confident in playing a musical instrument, in baking, in managing projects at work.
We usually generate confidence by thinking about our success at doing that thing in the past. We have evidence of having done that thing, so we feel confident in doing that thing again.
But, if we haven’t done something before, we often don’t feel confident before we’ve accomplished it, so this is where we need to generate self-confidence.
Self-confidence is about your ability in yourself as a person. That feeling of self-trust in your abilities, qualities and judgements.
In the previous episode I had said that we need to become good at generating that feeling of self-confidence, because if we have self-confidence we are much more likely to become skilled at many different things.
As an example, when I wanted to start my own business, of course I couldn’t really look back to my past because I didn’t have evidence that I could create a successful business. So I had to generate self-confidence - that is - confidence in myself and my abilities to get that ability.
What I want to share in this episode is an amazing strategy that has helped me approach and conquer the unknown, and I know it will help you as well.
What if I told you that you don’t need confidence, or even self-confidence, to do something you’ve never done before?
I’m sure many of you wouldn’t believe me.
But the truth is, we don’t need confidence or self-confidence to do something.
What do we need? I hear you saying.
We need COURAGE.
Courage is one of the most useful emotions you can ever generate - because courage can fuel your actions when you don’t feel very confident in doing something, or even self-confident.
Courage comes before Confidence.
You need courage to do something.
Courage is defined as the ability to do something that frightens you. You’re probably experiencing self-doubt as you do that thing.
So courage often doesn’t feel great in your body, but it is one of the most useful emotions that you can generate.
I want you to drop in to your body right now, and think about what courage feels like.
For me, I have an uneasy feeling in my tummy, slightly queasy, I feel a bit of a lump in my throat.
So that vibration in my body is what courage is like for me. It can’t hurt me, it doesn’t feel amazing, but it does help me do things that I never thought I could do, show up in a way that i’m truly proud of, and helps me produce amazing results.
Dan Sullivan has a book called the 4C Formula, and talks about the 4C’s which are commitment, courage, capability and confidence.
Here's what happens:
The first step is that you make a Commitment to yourself
Use Courage to overcome your fears and doubts
Create Capability
And then, the more capability you create for yourself the more Confidence you have in yourself
So confidence is not about accomplishing something, it’s about conquering something. Overcoming obstacles. It’s about using courage to do that thing, and then you will feel more confident in having done that thing, and self-confidence in facing the challenge head-on and overcoming it.
Courage doesn’t feel great, because it happens when you’re overcoming some sort of fear and doubt. So if you think about it that way, fear and doubt MUST be present for you to feel courage - and therefore, it must be present before you truly feel confident.
Courage is the currency we have to pay to create capability and confidence.
I generate courage almost everyday to do things in my business. I made a commitment to start my podcast for example. Immediately I felt fear and doubt - what if people don’t like it, what if I’m rejected, what if i’m embarrassed.
So I had to use courage, a lot of courage, to create my podcast and then launch it.
So how do you generate courage?
You generate courage like you generate any emotion - by choosing what thoughts to think.
Because remember, our thoughts create our feelings which fuel our actions and ultimately produce our results.
Some thoughts that help me generate courage include:
I can do this
I can do hard things
What I have to say matters
Also, I like asking myself - what's the worst that could happen - and really go to that worst case scenario.
Often I realise that the worst case scenario is not that bad. My worst case scenario if I put my podcast out there is that no one listens to it. Oh well, I’ve been able to develop an amazing skill on creating and launching a podcast and learning how to concisely explain concepts that have changed my life. I can choose not to make it mean anything about myself and who I am as a person.
My other worst case scenario could be that some people don’t like the podcast. Again, I could then choose what I make that mean. I can decide that it means I’m unworthy and quit, or I can decide that some people won’t like it and that’s ok. It doesn’t mean those people don’t like me, and it doesn’t mean that I don’t like it.
And then, I ask myself - what if I didn’t do the thing? What if I didn’t use my courage to create and launch a podcast?
I think about all the working Mums out there that are where I was - wanting to feel better in their lives, wanting to be more confident in themselves, wanting to change careers to something that’s more fulfilling but too afraid to explore what might be possible for them, telling themselves that their children ‘need them’ so that means they shouldn’t pursue their dreams.
I want to help them. I want to help you.
And my mindset now vs when I was in that place has completely changed, and I know exactly how to help other working Mums go from feeling self-doubt, insecure, anxiety and overwhelm to feeling so much more confident and getting clarity on what they want to achieve outside of being a Mum.
The things I've learnt and the strategies that have helped me and worked for me, I know will help so many other working Mums out there.
This is another thing I do when I’m feeling self-doubt or fear - often I check in with myself and notice it’s because I’m afraid of being rejected, embarrassing myself, or of being judged.
So rather than looking internally, thinking about what I’m afraid others might think of me, I think about who I’m serving and how I can help them.
I know I can help working Mums that are struggling right now in creating a thriving career whilst also being an amazing and present Mum to their kids.
I know I can help Mums that don’t think they can have both. Because I was them not so long ago. And I learned the skills and tools to get myself out of that and create an amazing business and career whilst showing up as the Mum I’ve always wanted to be.
So to recap, you don’t need confidence to do something. You don’t even need self-confidence. You need courage first.
Courage comes before confidence.
I hope this episode was helpful for you. In the next episode I’m going to give you some amazing strategies to help overcome your self-doubt, so I look forward to speaking with you then.
