Blog Post 1: Why I Want To ‘Perfect’ Failing as a Perfectionist
As my husband and I sat on the couch in the makeshift preschool teacher’s office that evening, I was practically jumping out of my seat with excitement to hear all the incredible things she would say about our daughter Chloe.
Chloe started talking at 7 months, could say over 150 words by her first birthday, and random people on the street would literally stop in disbelief when they heard her speak - articulately, and like a child in Year 2, not a 2 year old.
I couldn’t wait for her to be given an “A+” by her preschool teacher and bask in Chloe’s (and by extension, my own,) intelligence and amazingness.
“Chloe is exceptionally intelligent,” the teacher began. “She is social and loves to learn.” “But…”
“There’s a “but”?” I thought… How strange…
“Chloe is a perfectionist. If she thinks she can’t do something she won’t do it. She is afraid to make any mistakes. She is afraid to fail in anything so she is hesitant to try anything new.”
My husband just looked at me.
Yup, that’s me. She is definitely my child.
It was in that moment that I realised - many of my personality traits that I had previously seen as strengths, that propelled me in my life and my career up to that point were not so positive after all…
Getting top marks at school, studying law and public relations and receiving First Class Honours, securing a graduate role at a top-tier law firm, moving up the ranks at a charity to become CEO when I was 7 months pregnant…
What fueled my drive to achieve, achieve, achieve, was my perfectionism, my type-A personality, my need to please, being highly self-critical, putting unnecessary pressure on myself and having incredibly high standards of myself.
Under that perfectionism was a deep-seated fear of failure. Fear of making any mistakes.
My greatest strengths were also my greatest weaknesses.
It stopped me from doing so much. It kept me small. It stopped me from achieving what I really wanted to achieve, rather than what I “should” be achieving.
“How can I… I mean, how can Chloe overcome this?” I asked the teacher. “Are there any strategies we can use to help Chloe (and me!)”
“Show her that it’s OK to make mistakes,” the teacher calmly replied.
“It is?” I thought to myself…
Uh oh… I really had some work to do.
Everyone that knows us knows that Chloe is my clone. I see so much of myself in her - not only looks-wise, but even more so personality-wise. Chloe also copies everything I do, including repeating phrases I would say unconsciously in one moment, that she would then repeat in a similar context weeks later.
In that moment I realised, although we both share some personality traits that are wonderful - so loving, kind and affectionate - perfectionism and the fear of failure, although they may seem helpful and protective in the moment (ie. they might prevent us from making a mistake), they also stop us from trying new things, thereby holding us back from reaching our full potential.
I knew from that moment I had to make a change - and not change Chloe, but change myself.
If I could learn how to ‘tame’ my perfectionism, and make it work for me and not against me, then I could help Chloe and show her how to do the same.
So I started my own journey of personal and professional growth - reading as many books and listening to as many wise people as possible, to help me transform my own mindset and self-image around perfectionism.
In short, I want to fail at being a perfectionist. Starting as soon as I perfectly finish this blog post.
Joking…
Starting NOW!
My next blog post will talk about the curious illness that pretty much all women and mothers I know are riddled with. Perfectionism Paralysis.
The blog post will also go into some great tried-and-tested strategies to treat Perfectionism Paralysis to start making progress now, so stay tuned!
