Blog Post 5: Your Weaknesses Are Magic. Here’s Why.
“Did I read that heading correctly?” Most mothers (and humans) would be asking themselves…
Our weaknesses are things that we are trying to get rid of right?
I was having a conversation with one of my friends last week about how her daughter is very sensitive and many things worry her that don’t seem to bother other kids.
My friend was concerned that her daughter wasn’t ‘fitting in’ at preschool and that now my friend has to rethink the school they have enrolled her daughter in for next year because it might not be the right fit for her.
As we continued talking about her child, the conversation shifted to how caring, compassionate and intuitive her daughter is. Her daughter is so gentle with her younger sister, asks deeply insightful and thoughtful questions and talks so kindly to people around her.
We then gushed at how incredibly beautiful my friend’s daughter’s ‘sensitive soul’ is.
As I reflected on our conversation that afternoon, I realised something very special about us humans, and our perceived weaknesses.
Our weaknesses are actually our strengths, just overused.
For my friend’s daughter, it was her sensitivity. On the one hand it made it difficult to interact with her peers at a large preschool but then on the other hand it made her an incredibly thoughtful and intuitive child.
If someone were to ask me what my weaknesses were, I would say my top two are probably perfectionism and my need to control everything.
Since realising my perfectionistic tendencies were detrimental to me, I have been trying to push them away, and have been quite critical of myself for being a perfectionist. Saying things like “I’m a recovering perfectionist” and immediately wanting to change it.
But if I just take a step back and look at my life, my striving for ‘perfection’ has, in some ways, served me well.
I’ve been able to achieve so much. I’m always on the quest to improve myself, reach that next and best version of myself.
I think the tipping point for me however, where it turns into a weakness, is at that point where I am trying to be THE best vs trying to do MY best.
Even though that shift in language is subtle, it’s very powerful.
So for me, perhaps my perfectionistic tendencies serve me in some ways AND I can tweak it slightly so that it works for me, and not against me.
I can aim to do MY best, rather than have the goal of being THE best.
Now, looking at my other perceived weakness: my need to control everything.
Even the way I say that sounds negative. Of course I would see that as a weakness.
But again, if I take a step back and ask myself: how has my need to be in control served me? How has it been good for me? I can find so many reasons.
Wanting to be in control has meant that I plan ahead, I’m incredibly organised, and this has served me incredibly well in my career and running a household with two young kids.
Yes, like all Mums I have a mental load, but I also have really great systems in place to ensure that it doesn’t overwhelm me, that I still get everything done that needs to be done.
The tipping point for me, where this becomes a weakness, is where I try to control things that are out of my control.
It becomes a weakness because if I can’t control something I create so much anxiety and stress within myself, wasting so much time and mental energy worrying and trying to control the uncontrollable.
Reflecting on the things I can’t control, I came up with these: I can’t control other people’s actions, I can’t control what other people think, I can’t control what has happened in the past, or how I react to it in the moment.
When I started looking at my weaknesses, not as terrible flaws, but as qualities in me that are just overused strengths, I felt this sense of peace and compassion for myself.
I had been trying to run away from my weaknesses for so long.
I had tried to push them down, criticise myself for having them, think of strategies to change them, and then be mad at myself for not changing them quickly enough, which then compounded my own self-resentment.
If I just thought of them differently, took a step back and asked myself how those perceived weaknesses have served me, I realised that I could have so much more compassion for myself, for those weaknesses, and then use the knowledge I have gleaned from really reflecting on those perceived weaknesses to see where I can tweak them so that they continue to serve me in a positive way.
This has truly been one of the most powerful, enlightening and empowering things that I have done in a while.
So let’s turn these insights into actions for you.
If you believe you have one or a few qualities in yourself that you perceive as weaknesses, I encourage you to ask yourself the following questions:
What would you say is one of your perceived weaknesses?
Do you know why that weakness may be present?
How does that weakness serve you?
Where is that tipping point where that weakness does not serve you?
Write down how you can identify when you’re close to that tipping point, and some thoughts about how you can steer yourself towards the place where it still serves you.
I hope that understanding that your perceived weaknesses are actually your strengths, just slightly overused, helps you.
Reflecting on your perceived weaknesses with compassion rather than criticism can help you see the bigger picture of why that perceived weakness may be present, how it serves you and how you can tweak it so that it can continue serving you.
Lots of love
Loren x
